Toddler Avoids Tragedy

It was a warm, dark night in St Petersburg, Florida in January of 1973. He was only two years old when his dad left him in a running car just for a minute as we waited for friends to go out to eat. We never knew if he did it on purpose or if he accidentally fell on the gear lever. But all of a sudden the car began to move forward with this sweet little boy inside. In God's providence, the driver's window was partially open and his dad was nearby and jumped into action. He couldn't reach the keys in the ignition but he could somewhat steer the car as it careened into the parking lot of the camp where we were staying.

As the car continued on it came to an electric pole that had a guide wire going down to the ground at an angle. The car, with Dad on the outside and the boy on the inside, went through this inverted v-shaped opening. The pole must have been weak (or maybe it was an act of God!) but it gave way, causing the area to lose electric power. Then the car soon came to rest against a big bush. Dad was able to lift his son, Steve, out of the car. Someone who had been following, took the toddler and brought my son to me.

While this was all transpiring, I was standing nearby with a group of ladies and I began to pray out loud and “plead the blood” for protection for my son and husband. And God was faithful. The dad had a few bruises and brush burns and the toddler was unharmed. I am so thankful it didn't have a negative outcome.

There are stories in the Bible of God's protection. And one of them is about a baby! Moses was born at a time when the pharaoh of Egypt was concerned that the Israelite slaves were becoming too numerous. He made a law that all the male babies born to a Jew had to be killed. When Moses was born, the midwife who delivered him could not bring herself to kill the little boy. Moses' mother and older sister made a small boat for him and placed him among the bulrushes in the river so that he would be hidden. They prayed that he would be found by a family who could care for him.

The daughter of the Pharaoh was at the river to bathe when she found the child and she took him home to the palace to be her son. But the interesting thing is that she needed a mother to nurse her new son! And God arranged that Moses own mother was asked to care for him. What a story of God's protection and also of grace that Moses' mother had the blessing of nursing him! Before Moses stood before Pharaoh demanding that he release God's people many years later, Moses grew up in that same palace under the education and protection of the Egyptian leader. God's ways are awesome!

God has not promised a life devoid of difficulties and trouble but he has promised us His protection. Isaiah 41:10 tells us, “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Psalm 34:4, “I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears.”

When I was in Bible College, I wrote a term paper on Psalm 91. It was such a blessing then even as it is today. I have to include the entire psalm because there isn't a verse I want to cut.

So whether you are a toddler in a runaway car, or a baby with a government wanting to kill you, or whatever situation you may be in today, God is your protector. I thought of this old hymn that was such a comfort after my father died – Be Not Be Dismayed Whate'er Betide. You can listen to the hymn here.

Be not dismayed whate'er betide,

  God will take care of you!

Beneath His wings of love abide,

  God will take care of you! 

    God will take care of you,

    Through every day o'er all the way;

    He will take care of you;

      God will take care of you! 

Through days of toil when heart doth fail,

  God will take care of you!

When dangers fierce your path assail,

  God will take care of you! 

All you may need He will provide,

  God will take care of you!

Trust Him, and you will be satisfied,

  God will take care of you! 

Lonely and sad, from friends apart,

  God will take care of you!

He will give peace to your aching heart,

  God will take care of you! 

No matter what may be the test,

  God will take care of you!

Lean, weary one, upon His breast,

  God will take care of you!

Climb that Mountain One Step at a Time!

 Sometimes life gets difficult with a myriad of things happening all at once. The temptation is to get overwhelmed and feel defeated. Have you ever felt this way? Whether it is losing a great amount of weight or packing up a house to move or scratching your way out of a deep grief - the answer is to take baby steps – conquer one tiny portion of your mountain, one step at a time.

This scenario can also be used in the spiritual realm. When a person comes to Christ, he or she is a new babe in Christ. They don't understand or comprehend the fullness of living the christian life. So they take baby steps in obedience. Jesus calls us to “grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.” II Peter 3:18

Philippians 2:12-13, “What I'm getting at, friends, is that you should keep on doing what you've been doing from the beginning. When I was living among you, you lived in responsive obedience. Now that I am separated from you, keep it up. Better yet, redouble your efforts. Be energetic in your life of salvation, reverent and sensitive before God.” That energy is God's energy, an energy deep within you; God himself willing and working at what will give him the most pleasure.” -The Message

Romans 5:12, “The free gift is not like the trespass (sin). For if many died through one man's trespass (Adam), much more have the grace of God and the free gift by the grace of that one man Jesus Christ, abounded for many.” Verse 17, “ . . .much more with those who receive the abundance of grace and the free gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man Jesus Christ.”

Philippians 6:1, “Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? By no means! Verse 11, “So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus.”

The burden of my heart is for people that think they are a failure in obedience. What should they do? Just give up on God? Give up on themselves? But there is grace for all of us when we fail to live the Christian life. You are not the only person held hostage by the quiet whispers of self loathing and guilt. Jesus is right beside you, calling you back to himself. If there is a pattern of ups and downs, it is the enemy (the devil) speaking lies into your mind. He is the one telling you to give up, that you are a hopeless case. He wants to hold you hostage in fear and defeatism.

But God calls us dear children in I John 2:1 when he says, “My dear children, I write this to you that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ, the Righteous One.”

Romans 5:20 tells us, “Now the law came in to increase the trespass, but where sin increased grace abounded all the more.”

Kara Tippetts wrote in her blog, “I believe we all hold onto the lies we believe, we protect them, we use them to confirm the loathing we feel in our lives. We protect the hurts instead of exposing them to light and enjoying freedom in Christ. If I am a child of the King, I need to live in the light of His goodness, His grace, and His truth. I need to live in community that helps me expose the lies I hear and live in the love that has been lavished on me. I get to share honestly my weakness, I get to repent my pride, I get to be reminded of the gospel: the passionate, reckless love of Jesus.
Think on the whispers, the lies, the untruth that tag along in your day. Shine the bright light of the truth on them and seek the freedom you were meant to be set free for this day!

And my question: what are the lies you are holding onto? What would shining light of Jesus on them and letting them go mean for you? Can you admit to enjoying the lies and walking in unbelief to confirm the lies you enjoy believing?" Mundane Faithfulness blog

Mark 1:15,” The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand; repent and believe in the gospel.” The gospel is the passionate, reckless love of Jesus!

My dear friend, are you trying to live the Christian life in your own strength? Ephesians 2:8 tells us, “by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God.” And as we continue in our walk with the Lord we need to remember it is a gift. And we need to comprehend the heart of God who is constantly within us and by our side, ready to help us to live for Him. And if we fail, he “is faithful and just to forgive us and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” I John 1:9

So if you have been fearfully looking at a mountain too hard to climb, take one step toward Jesus and He will meet you! James 4:8 tells us, “Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you.” Hebrews 10:22 says, “Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water.”

My prayer is that you repent, believe, trust in faith for the grace freely given by Jesus and that you will then be able to say with the psalmist, “for me it is good to be near God; I have made the lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all your works.” Psalm 73:28

“The flood of grace will always far surpass the flood of sin and darkness.” Kara Tippetts

The Two Lane Highway to Happiness

Someone recently told me that they were “not going to be unhappy anymore.” It sounded to me like they were going to take control of their life to the point where nothing would happen that would make them unhappy. I don't think we have that kind of control. Life happens!

This statement concerned me because happiness is fleeting, especially if based on people, whether it be a spouse, a girlfriend, or a friend. Other things we sometimes base our happiness on are children, a career, a house, money, your retirement or even unrealistic expectations. These set us up for failure, or at least a let down. It is dangerous to think we will never be unhappy in this life. But it is imperative for us to be ready for life's hurts and have a foundation to rest upon when those times come.

At first I thought of a happiness equation as a two way street to be happy. But a two way street is two lanes going in opposite directions. I would rather picture a two lane highway going in the same direction. As Martha Washington said in this quote, “ I am determined to be cheerful and happy in whatever situation I may find myself. For I have learned that the greater part of our misery or unhappiness is determined not by our circumstance but by our disposition.”

So one way to be happy is by our disposition – a person's inherent qualities of mind and character. Synonyms include: temperament, nature, character, constitution, makeup, mentality. Not everyone has this type of disposition, so where do they find happiness? And what happens to the person blessed with a happy disposition when they are bombarded with the trials and disappointments of life? Sometimes they can talk themselves into soaring above the nasty things that happen. But occasionally even these fortunate people get knocked down to the bottom.

There is a better way! It is found in what the Apostle Paul said in Philippians 4:12-13, “I know how to be brought low and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”

Jesus' disciple, Peter, wrote this in I Peter 1:3-9, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a loving hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God's power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith, more precious than gold that perished though it is tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Though you have not seen him you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls.”

The second (and best) way to be happy is through Christ. The above portion of scripture tells us that God the Father has caused us to be born again to a loving hope. This is the basis of happiness in our heart. It includes the lifting of the burden of sins by the blood of Jesus washing them away into the sea of forgetfulness - Micah 7:19. And Jesus comes to abide with us in our heart: Ephesians 3:17, “that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith, that you, being rooted and grounded in love may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

This is real happiness! This happiness will remain with you no matter what befalls you here on this earth.

Jesus never fails! Deuteronomy 31:6, “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

I Peter 5:7, “Cast all your anxiety on Him because he cares for you.”

Isaiah 41:10, “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with the righteous right hand.”

Proverbs 3:5, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.”

“Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude.” -Denis Waitley

Note from Anita:  I am so sorry for the odd sizes of print near the bottom of this blog post.  I have no idea how it happened or how to fix it.  If you do, please private message me! I will be grateful

The Cost of Freedom

As a little girl I would watch as my mother cut her beautiful flowers from her garden. Fragrant Peonies and Hyacinths, colorful tulips, and tall and stately Iris were the most common flowers blooming at the end of May. She would wrap them in newspaper and place them in a tub of water and put them in the trunk of our car. We children would be excited as we traveled over the mountain to McConnellsburg to the cemetery where a lot of my relatives are buried. But we were there on Memorial Day to honor all the veterans who had given their lives in service to our country. I was raised in a patriotic home. I learned to appreciate the sacrifice given by our service men and women, whether they lived to come home or died in the field.

A large group of gathered children would be given bouquets of flowers to lay on the graves of the veterans signified by the American flag. I enjoyed doing this with the other children. There would then be a short service including the singing of the national anthem, The Star Spangled Banner, and at the end, the playing of Taps.

My own father, John Franklin Stenger, was only seventeen when he lied so he could join the Army and serve during WWI. When I look at a picture of him in uniform, I see a young boy. But his childhood had made him grow up into a man too soon. And off to war he went, like many before and after him. Over the years some have served willingly and some were drafted. But we are grateful for their sacrifice so that we can live in a free country.

Here in the United States we have many freedoms that not all people in other countries enjoy. We have freedom of speech, religion, the press, right to bear arms, freedom to congregate, freedom against unreasonable search and seizures.  We are a blessed people, especially here in our country.

Our Memorial Day celebrations include parades, picnics and play! Nothing wrong with that. It has become a family day of gatherings with babies and grandparents and all those in between enjoying each other in relationship. From time to time as I sit in a group of people of all ages and from many walks of life I look around and see them having a good time. But my heart looks deeper and I wonder how many of them have a concept of eternity without Christ. How many even know the plan of salvation? How many do know and are running away from God?

On Memorial Day evening after we returned home from a lovely day with our family, I saw a picture on Facebook of a cemetery with an American flag standing in the breeze at every graveside. My heart could have wept when I thought of the hundreds of thousands who are represented in pictures just like the one I saw. And then I thought, “But there is One who died to give all of us a much better freedom”.

Romans 5:7-8, “For one will scarcely die for a righteous person, though perhaps for a good person one would even dare to die – but God shows his love for us in that while we were sinners, Christ died for us. Verse 9 – “Since therefore we have now been justified by his blood, even more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God.”

A short outline of what we receive through Christ:

1. We are reconciled.
2. We are saved by his life

In Romans 5:10 we learn that “while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life.

Romans 5:12 – “Therefore just as sin came into the world through one man (Adam) and death through sin, and so death spread to all men because all have sinned.”

3. Free gift brought justification

Romans 5:17, “For if, because of one mans trespass death reigned through that one man (Adam) much more will those who receive the

4. abundance of grace and the
5. free gift of righteousness reign in life through one man, Jesus Christ.”
   Romans 5:19 – one man's disobedience (Adam) – many were made sinners (and sinful nature)
   one man's obedience- through Christ, many will be made righteous.

6. Romans 6:18 – You have been set free from sin and have become slaves of righteousness.

7. Romans 6:22 – wages of sin is death but the free gift of God's eternal life is Christ Jesus our Lord.

Christ died so that we can have these seven things: We are reconciled, we are saved, we are justified, we have an abundance of grace, we have the gift of righteousness, we are set free from sin and we have the free gift of God's eternal life! We have all this because Jesus gave his life for us on the cross.

Heb 9:28, “So Christ, having been offered once to bear the sins of many, will appear a second time not to deal with sin but to save those who are eagerly waiting for Him.”

Have you been set free from sin?  Have you accepted the gift of salvation that was paid for by Jesus shedding His blood on the cross?  If not, do it today!

Grace and Truth

Grace without truth is meaningless.

Truth without grace is mean.

Grace plus truth is wisdom!

The above saying is often used in a marriage context. It can also be used in relationships. But I want to look at it in a spiritual context. What is Grace? Who is Truth? Lets start with an acrostic that is somewhat familiar. God's Riches At Christ's Expense = GRACE. John 1:16 tells us, “we have all received grace upon grace.” I love this wording because it just isn't grace, it is grace upon grace!  The next verse tells us that "grace and truth came through Jesus Christ."

Ephesians 2:5-8 “by grace you have been saved . . . so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.  For by grace you have been saved through faith. . .it is the gift of God.”

But if all we trust in is Grace, it is meaningless. We must have Truth also. Who is Truth? Jesus said, “I am the way, the TRUTH, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” -John 14:6. We must come to Jesus for salvation, which involves repentance, a turning away from sin, and “becoming a new creation in Christ (II Corinthians 5:17).” Along with Grace, we need Jesus! Without Jesus, grace is meaningless.

What if someone told you that you were doomed to hell without remedy? That would be truth without grace and it would be mean. It is the grace provided by Jesus that takes away those awful words, “without remedy” and replaces them with words like those found in Hebrews 9:22 . . .”without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness of sins.” And in Romans 5:8-9, “But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God.”

The third line says, Grace plus Truth is Wisdom! In Matthew 7:24 we are told that “everyone who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock.” This symbolic story turns us to the imagery of a house on a rock foundation. The foundation is Christ and the house is our soul. Take advantage of grace which is “the free and unmerited favor of God, as manifested in the salvation of sinners and the bestowal of blessings.”

There are many scriptures and songs about grace. Hebrews 4:16, “Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” Acts 4:33, “and with great power the apostles were giving their testimony to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus, and great grace was upon them all. And Stephen, full of grace and power, was doing great wonders and signs among the people.” Hebrews 12:15, “see to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled.” And Romans 5:1-2, “Since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God.”

So whether it is grace given to us to obtain salvation, or grace needed in dire times, or grace bestowed on us to do God's work, or the throne of grace where we meet Jesus in prayer, we are blessed to have all of these in great measure.

Of course, the old hymn, Amazing Grace, is the first song to come to mind and is a favorite of many. The second verse is my favorite: “Twas grace that taught my heart to fear. And grace my fears relieved. How precious did that grace appear the hour I first believed.” You can listen to this hymn here.

A new contemporary worship song we sung recently in church is Glorious Grace. (listen here.) I was so blessed singing this song because of these words that took me to a place of worship to my Savior who died so that “God, your grace like rising seas has swallowed death and sin in me.” Praise the Lord, He has saved me.

Glorious Grace

God I need You, I need You, I need You
Every breath, every pulse of my heart
Christ have mercy, have mercy, let mercy abound
I need You, I need You now

God pour out Your grace, glorious grace
That I would be held by Your perfect embrace
I am undeserving, You are high and worthy
All of my praise for this glorious grace

God I’m longing, I’m longing to see You
In Your presence all darkness will fade
Shine Your glory, Your glory, let glory surround
I’m longing to see You now

God Your grace, like rising seas
Has swallowed death and sin in me
God Your grace like rising seas
Has swallowed death and sin in me
Glory to my God who saves
Jesus Christ, my glorious grace
Glory to my God who saves
Jesus Christ, my glorious grace

God I worship, I worship, I worship You
For Your glory, my all in all You are worthy, You’re worthy, You’re worthy
I worship, I worship You
God I need You, I need You now

———-

God I need you, I need you, I need you Every breath, every pulse of my heart  God your grace like rising seas has swallowed death and sin in me 

by Aaron Ivey, Brett Land, Kyle Lent

I know this blog is getting a little long, but if you want another blessing, check out this new contemporary song: Grace So Glorious by Elevation Worship

Beneath the cross of Jesus Christ
No shadow remains for shame to hide
Redemption shone for all to see
Perfection bore our penalty
With a grace so glorious
Immortal day the veil was torn
When mercy donned a crown of thorns
As law gave way to liberty
And freedom for humanity
With a grace so glorious
PreChorus:
Oh the glory of the Savior’s love
Surrounding our surrender
To know forever
We are welcomed home
Chorus
Crowned in glory to glory
Worthy is the Lord of all
The glory forever
Holy is the Lord (2x)

Triumphant praises without end
All hailing the King of righteousness
And every eye beholds the One
Our hearts were undeserving of
With a grace so glorious
Bridge
O wondrous day when I will see
The face of Him who ransomed me
I’ll fall in worship at His feet
And rise to reign eternally
In a grace so glorious

There is Room at the Table

I was preparing a meal for our Supper Club this week and the morning of the dinner received a cancellation for a very good reason. No problem. But I wanted to fill those two spots so I made a call or two and found replacements. But later in the day, I got a call and that couple had to cancel also, with only two hours till time to eat, (again with a very good reason). So I made a few more calls knowing that people have plans for a Friday evening and people are busy. But after maybe four calls, I found another perfect couple that would compliment our dinner party. I had a full table set and didn't want to take off any place settings. Plus the menu was made and the food preparation was in progress.

This made me think of the verse in a parable told by Jesus found in Luke 14:2 where it says, “go out to the highways and hedges and compel people to come in, that my house may be filled.” This was said to the servants after the original guest list was exhausted with people making excuses for not coming. And they seemed like lame excuses because each one could have been attended to after taking time out for a meal. Those excuses were: a man had bought a field and needed to tend to it; another had bought five yoke of oxen and needed to try them out, and another man had married a wife! Surely he could have brought his wife? Right? All excuses.

Then the guest list was expanded to include the poor, crippled, blind and lame and still there was room for more to come to the feast. The invitation now was to all nationalities and ethnic groups. No one was left out. There is a picture made very popular because it appeared on the cover of Decision magazine many years ago. It shows a table set with candlesticks on a gold cloth, and fine china with a gold design. A full set of gold utensils graced each place setting and was complimented with gold rimmed glassware. But the table never ends; it goes on and on. It depicts the vastness of the family of God and the number of souls who will be in heaven some day.

And so it is with the offer of salvation. It is for all! Titus 2:11 says “For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people.” II Peter 3:9 tells us, “The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.” Acts 2:21 says, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.” God is earnest in wanting all to come to repentance.

Have you repented of your sins? Have you accepted the gift of salvation that Christ died to secure for you? If so, then Praise the Lord! If not, what is your excuse? II Corinthians 6:2, “For he says, In the time of my favor I heard you, and in the day of salvation I helped you. I tell you, now is the time of God's favor, now is the day of salvation.”

For those of us who have already “tasted and seen that the Lord is good”, we are to be out in the world telling people about Jesus and His love. Psalm 34:8 – “Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!” We are to be compelling lost souls to leave their lives of sin and turn to a loving, forgiving Savior who died to set them free.

Revelation 19:9 tells us, “Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb.” Biblical scholars believe this will take place after the Rapture of the Church, when Christ comes to take His Bride to the Father's house. All those who have called on the name of the Lord and have become followers of Jesus, cleansed by His blood and walking in His light, will be invited to this banquet table. Are you ready? There is Room at the Table. Come now.

A Happy Traveler

I am a happy person. I see the cup half full. I see the positive side of things. I usually give people the benefit of the doubt. But I haven't always been this way.

Our family of five which included a new baby boy was living in the hills of Virginia in 1976. I gave birth to Matthew in April. So many things worked together to contribute to me plummeting emotionally. I was feeling isolated and lonely being so far away from home and being criticized due to cultural differences. And then in July, my father died. For me, this was the end of hope that he would someday become a Christian. So a strong feeling of sadness overcame me and I joined the 350 million people who are diagnosed with depression. I was a new bus driver at the time and every day when I got off the bus at the end of the school day, I would jump into my car, travel a few miles to the country store and buy a newspaper and a candy bar. No wonder I gained weight! But the candy couldn't fill the emptiness or heal the pain in my heart.

I began counseling and continued for many years. And I was prescribed anti-depressants which I took for almost 25 years! I was recently reading a journal I wrote back in 2003 and I couldn't believe the change God has worked in me over the years. I can't pinpoint a specific time when I had a miraculous healing but I can tell you various things I did do and how the Lord helped me to heal. It was a process.

Counseling: I saw various counselors, some were professional and some were good spiritual mentors. And I followed their suggestions to help me heal.

Prayer: I sought the Lord for healing and for understanding.  Often.. In church. In private. It was a process; a journey.

Journal: I wrote my innermost feelings, fears, and failures. I wrote about my dreams, desires and demons. I asked God hard questions and admitted hard things that I was thinking.

Books: I read good books. Healing for Damaged Emotions by David Seamands was a helpful book in the beginning stages of my depression. Later I did a Bible Study of Beth Moore's, Breaking Free. Books by Brennan Manning like Abba's Child and Ragamuffin Gospel were so helpful in teaching me how Abba Father sees me and loves me. I also enjoyed the insights of Florence Littauer's Personality Plus, How to Understand Others by Understanding Yourself. Of course, the Bible is always a great book to read for inspiration as it is God's love letter to us.

It was in 2003 that I became familiar with Healing Prayer Ministry at my church. We were no longer in the ministry and had moved to my hometown and were attending my home church. HPM was a ministry where a seeker would meet with a layperson (and a prayer partner). Through a series of sessions, the Lord would lead in how the seeker should pray through various hurtful incidents, feeling the pain, asking forgiveness, and real breakthroughs of healing would occur. I took part in this but during the first series my emotions were so suppressed with the anti-depressants that I couldn't even cry! No prayer ever goes without benefit but I didn't receive the complete freedom I was seeking.

A few years passed and I decided to try HPM again. In the meantime I had been gaining ground and was not as depressed. And I felt the Lord say I should go off my anti-depressants. So I did. (Please don't think I am saying all people should do this.) And I soon realized that I had emotions! I could cry again. This was a gift to be able to release pent up emotion and pain. And this time when I went through HPM, I could feel the emotions and cry out to God and I could sense He heard me. And I felt a freedom in my spirit. Isaiah 43:2, "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior."

I think a lot of my journey has been two fold: learning who God is and learning who I am. In 2003 I wrote in my journal: “How does God look at me? Would I be surprised if I knew?” Back then I would have been surprised to know that God wasn't looking on me with judgment but with love. He wasn't far away but near me, ready to hear my pleas.  I know now (and feel emotionally) that. . .” my identity is that of a child of God and a joint heir with Jesus Christ. Our spiritual inheritance is one of forgiveness, an intimate relationship with Jesus, and hope of spending all eternity enjoying fellowship with God. It is this truth that gives us unconditional love, intimacy, security and hope. And it is not based on our identity, but on what God has already accomplished at the cross.” http://thelife.com/challenges/see-yourself-as-god-sees-you

I Peter 1:3-4, “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade – kept in heaven for you.”

I am still on a journey. I am a seeker! I want more of God. And I have given Him more of me! It is a process. A walk. And it is a joy to walk this road as a happy traveler!