The Story of Two Fathers

A few weeks ago while eating with friends we were talking about water heaters, of all things. And I said, “We didn't have a water heater in our home until I was out of the home, married and had three children.” And my friend was astonished. He said, "Did you heat water and dump it into the tub?" And I said, “We didn't have a tub!”

I went on to say that we didn't have a furnace, curtains at the windows, a telephone or indoor plumbing. We did get a black and white television around 1956. Why didn't we have modern amenities in the 1950's and beyond? My father was born in 1899. He was 50 when I was born. He had seen World War I as a soldier and had recently gone through the Great Depression. His childhood was not easy being the seventh child in his family when his father died before the baby was born. He told stories of being “farmed out” to a neighboring family to help tend sheep. His payment was a new pair of jeans plus his room and board. His oldest sister was his teacher in a one room school house. He only had an eighth grade education but he was a whiz at mental arithmetic and was a skilled carpenter. He worked as an electrician on airplanes during World War II.

There were at least two sides to my father. If I woke up early enough I would sit on his lap on a weekday morning before he went off to work. I remember him going sledding with me as a young child. Good memories. When I was in second grade my parents began hosting foster children and he would sometimes tell me there was a treat in the garage for me, usually a candy bar. I think he felt I needed a special treat occasionally. One day we got a new boy and he was shy and scared being in a new home and wouldn't eat. I remember seeing my dad feeding him spoonfuls of soup and talking to him gently. He told him if he ate his soup he could see a pretty picture in the bottom of the bowl. This was a very strange side of my father for me to see as I had seen a sterner, stricter side most of the time.

My dad was very authoritative and demanding. When he said to do something, we all knew to obey. And I learned very early that telling the truth had its rewards. No spankings! He was very impatient and wanted things to be done quickly. I remember being sent to the tool shed many times to look for a tool I knew nothing about. If it took me too long to find it, he would come to the shed and swear. I would often run into the house even before I looked and get mother to help me so I wouldn't have to hear him swear and feel his displeasure.

I remember having to sit at the table until I ate everything on my plate and choking down food I didn't like. This is so different from him feeding soup to a little boy! We children were taught to work and I do appreciate my father teaching me to enjoy working. But we worked under some extreme circumstances, like a grainery which had no ventilation. We children were to take turns during harvest by standing in the middle of the grainery and shoveling the grain toward the back.  His neighbor man was shoveling the grain in toward us and the dust was so thick and it was hard to breathe. I used to dread this job days before it arrived. We ground corn for the cows to eat which was also dusty. We had to carry the ground meal to the barn.

A lot of Saturdays our job was shoveling manure into the spreader. In the fall we spent many an evening and Saturday husking corn. Dad didn't want a picker to harvest his corn because it left a lot of waste so his neighboring farmers would help him cut the corn with a sickle, put it into shocks and stand them up in the field. In the fall we would push these shocks over, kneel down in front of it and husk each ear off the stock. We would throw the corn onto a pile which we had to pick up later and throw into a wagon. Occasionally we did this in the snow and there were many cold mornings. We also pulled weeds throughout the corn field during the summer. He would give us a certain amount of rows we had to do while he was at work.

Remember the primitive conditions I mentioned above? My father didn't have a bathroom in our home because our land wouldn't perk but the other things he withheld from my mother didn't have such a good reason. He would say, “There will be no curtains at my windows. Windows were meant to see out of.” I used to lie in bed at night dreaming of when I would be able to provide these comforts of home for my mother. I wanted her to feel cherished and special as a woman. And God gave me that opportunity the last three years of her life.

In my teen years after I became a Christian I wanted to attend evening service at my local church. I found out that if I asked Dad if I could go he would say, “What do you want to go to church again for? You were already there once today!” And it was a hassle to get permission. But if I just went without asking, there was no punishment! My father who wanted nothing to do with religion shocked me when I came home from Bible college for a visit. I had been praying a silent grace for over a year at meals and all of a sudden he had me pray aloud the blessing on the food. What conflicted situations!

All these mixed messages and a desire to please my father would eventually lead to years of depression and lack of self worth, especially after his death. That might be a topic for a future blog.

But I am so thankful my heavenly Father loved me so much He gave his son, Jesus, to be my Savior. John 3:16. But many people, like me, have needed healing in our image of God. These verses are just a few that show the heart of the heavenly Father.

Psalm 103:8 “The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.” Ephesians 1:4-5, He chose us . . .to be adopted as his children.

I John 3:1 “How great is the love the Father has lavished on us that we should be called the children of God.”

Luke 6:36 “Be merciful just as your father is merciful.”

Matthew 11:29, “Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart and you will find rest for your souls.”

Romans 8:15, “For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, Abba Father!”

I have a heavenly Father who is a Good, Good Father. I love this song by Chris Tomlin. You can listen to an audio of the song here.

Oh, I've heard a thousand stories
Of what they think You're like
But I've heard the tender whisper
Of love in the dead of night
And You tell me that You're pleased
And that I'm never alone

You're a good good Father
It's who You are, it's who You are, it's who You are
And I'm loved by You
It's who I am, it's who I am, it's who I am

Oh, and I've seen many searching
For answers far and wide
But I know we're all searching
For answers only You provide
‘Cause You know just what we need
Before we say a word

You're a good good Father
It's who You are, it's who You are, it's who You are
And I'm loved by You
It's who I am, it's who I am, it's who I am

Cause You are perfect in all of Your ways
You are perfect in all of Your ways
You are perfect in all of Your ways to us

You are perfect in all of Your ways
Oh, You are perfect in all of Your ways
You are perfect in all of Your ways to us

Oh, it's love so undeniable
I, I can hardly speak
Peace so unexplainable
I, I can hardly think
As You call me deeper still
As You call me deeper still
As You call me deeper still
Into love, love, love

You're a good good Father
It's who You are, it's who You are, it's who You are
And I'm loved by You
It's who I am, it's who I am, it's who I am

You're a good good Father
It's who You are, it's who You are, it's who You are
And I'm loved by You
It's who I am, it's who I am, it's who I am
You're a good good Father

You are perfect in all of Your ways
You are perfect in all of Your ways
You are perfect in all of Your ways